What is Entitlement Mentality or Entitlement Culture?
Many people believe that others should act or do certain things before they can reciprocate. In other words, we expect people to do certain things and we continue to demand that they must act in certain ways.
We then react because of what we expect them to do and what they did not do. For instance, you expect people to compliment you, adore you and it affects your sense of worth if they do so or they don’t.
Have you ever seen some village people demanding that their uncle in Lagos must give them money if they asked him for money? “How can uncle say No”
Entitlement Mentality is a feeling that nobody should deprive you of anything or people must do things. Like, everything is your right. Imagine how this has cost so many people good friendship.
Let’s break it down a little
An elderly person who believes that a younger person must greet him/her first is feeling entitled.
An individual who believes that someone should call him first before he would call is having an entitled mentality.
A man who feels he can’t step inside the kitchen even when his wife appears stressed and coming from work is an entitled man.
You tell someone the truth or give your opinion on something and in the process, the person is hurt or feel sorry, yet you do not think you should call the person back to say “I’m sorry, I know my statement was harsh the other time, I spoke my mind but I’m sorry if I hurt you”. The reason you can’t say such is that you feel well, “I am entitled to my opinion.” A lot of families, associations are broken because of this statement alone.
Entitlement Mentality is a blind arrogance towards what you hold on to.
It is the reason why some parents don’t say sorry to their kids. They will say, he should be the one to say sorry first.
It is the reason why some men can’t say “I’m sorry” to their wives. It is the reason why the firstborn feels he should always dictate which TV channel to watch and not give concessions to other siblings sometimes. “I senior you.”
There are 3 things that fuel the Entitlement Mentality.
They are;
- Culture
- Ego
- Pride
In fact, a boss feels he is not even accountable to his apprentices. He feels “I’m the oga”, nobody can ask me why I do things in my office.”
Those abroad can testify to this scenario; family members in Nigeria would feel you should send them money for a naming ceremony and wedding or burial.
‘Aunty mi, mo ti bimo o’ (my Aunty, I just gave birth)
‘Monday ni ekomo’ (Monday is the naming ceremony).
In other words, he expects Aunty to send something immediately. If Aunty says she doesn’t have, they start saying, “despite all the money she has, she can’t even send me money for the naming ceremony.”
African mothers are guilty of this as in-laws. “Is it not my son’s house”?
Because some people did you favour at some point in life, they feel they are entitled to your money and even your decisions in life.
They feel you owe them even without considering what you’re passing through.
Entitlement Mentality for a woman is the feeling that a man must give you money after 1 month of dating – set awon “I’m not ok, I need urgent 2k”
The feeling that someone else must shoulder all your responsibilities.
Position, status, and gender are real issues for us in Africa.
If you don’t lose your sense of entitlement, you will always find yourself having issues with people. “She did not greet me,” “she did not call me,” “she looked at me somehow,” “she did not say sorry to me,” “she did not say hi”, etc.
Positional Entitlement is borne out of your position as firstborn, last born, boss of bosses ‘Oga oga’, Teacher, Father, Mother, Uncle, etc.
If you don’t take away from your mind, that you occupy a position, you will live all your life making people around you miserable.
Nobody in life was born with a position, we were first humans.
Big aunties in the family sef, go dey behave like godmother just because she rushes come to earth before us. Neighbourhood aunties are even worse.
You send someone on errand even in the scorching sun, despite the sad or sick state of mind of that boy or girl, you still insist by saying, “I’m your sister and you must go to where I send you”. It is wickedness and a sense of Positional Entitlement. It makes people inconsiderate and wicked.
I have heard of a man who woke up in the middle of the night and asked his wife to make ‘Amala’ for him. He was using his position to make that woman uncomfortable. “I am the man in this house and you must get up now”
If God used His superior power on us to force us to do His will, nobody will exist again. People still dey drag God, and He doesn’t feel entitled to send thunder immediately. Life is a gift, we are not even entitled to anything in life. The Israelites thought they were entitled to meat and they grumbled against Moses in the wilderness. You can’t hoodwink God because you feel you are entitled to receiving something from Him.
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT
List out the things in your life that make you feel entitled.
Is it the fact that you are the wife of the boss? ‘Iyawo oga’
Is it your age? ‘So mo age mi ni’ (do you know my age?) Is it your qualification?
Is it the fact that you are the last born, firstborn, Chairman? Is that why you can’t queue?
Write down everything in your life that has caused you to feel entitled. Ask yourself, what if I die tonight, will they call me by these positions in heaven?
- Are you expecting people to act in certain ways? Respect you? Be the first to give them the dose of what they lack. Don’t wait until that little boy greets you before you greet. Its just six feet under the ground my people.
- The feeling of entitlement in many people starts from their formative years. When parents demand that the younger child calls the elder one “brother”, “aunty bimpe”, and the aunty or brother begins to feel he is the elderly person that must be respected. His food must be different and his plate must be different. He’s a boy, he shouldn’t be in the kitchen. A child feels he wants Spaghetti even though everyone in the house ate Beans, then Daddy says, she shouldn’t be left to cry and they should make her another menu. etc. This is where it starts.
Instead of allowing siblings to be free with one another and cutting any sense of entitlement in their behaviours, parents reinforce it and make it worse.
In conclusion, people who don’t have an Entitlement Mentality are free with everyone. They don’t demand respect from people because they earn it. They don’t expect much from people and they are at peace with themselves because they don’t use their position to claim things that don’t belong to them. Cut your ego, break cultural barriers and pride and you will be free from this monster destroying people’s lives and their relationships with others. Be grateful for what you have, who you are and work hard.
